Bloody Luddites!

Well this was just outrageous enough for me to actually start blogging again:

Women are increasingly seeking inappropriate IVF treatment because they do not have the time or inclination for a sex life...Wealthy career women in their 30s and early 40s, some of whom have given up regular sex altogether, are turning to "medicalised conception" - despite being fertile and long before they have exhausted the possibility of a natural conception.

They are prepared to pay thousands of pounds for private IVF treatments - even though they have unpleasant and potentially harmful side effects - because they believe it offers them the best chance of "instant" pregnancy.

Many fertility experts believe that IVF offers women the best chance of pregnancy - a one in three chance of success or better in one cycle if the woman is under 35, whereas natural conception has no better than a one in four chance for a woman of the same age even if a couple have an active sex life.

An active sex life aimed at pregnancy is considered to be unprotected sex at least once every three days.

Each year about 43,000 women receive IVF treatment, most of them privately. The cost of a single treatment - and often several are needed - is at least £2,500.

Government guidelines on when women should receive treatment (on the NHS) say IVF should be given only to those aged between 23 and 39 who have an identified cause for the fertility problem or who have suffered unexplained fertility problems for at least three years."

Michael Dooley, a gynaecologist, obstetrician and fertility expert, said that in the past five years he has seen a 20 per cent increase in the number of patients seeking "inappropriate or premature" IVF treatment.

"Many of these couples are simply not having sex or not having enough sex," he said. "Conception has become medicalised. It's too clinical. There has been a trend away from having sex and loving relationships towards medicalised conception."

Mr Dooley practises at Westover House clinic and the Lister Hospital, both in south-west London, and a clinic in Poundbury, Dorset. He said: "I have people who come to me for IVF who haven't got time for sex. Those people don't care about looking for a lifestyle or maximising their natural potential."

I think a friend of mine put it best when she said, "Seriously, what the everloving fucking fuck?"

I don't know where to begin with how many things are wrong with this picture. I didn't think much of this article from the first few paragraphs, I thought it was wealthy single women who were deciding to have babies when they failed to find Mr. Right before the biological clock started ticking louder, but no, these are married or at least established couples deciding to take this route. And it's because they can't seem to find the time to have sex.

First off, if a couple can't find the time to have sex, one of them is doing something seriously, seriously wrong. Sex is a wonderful, exciting, passionate, fun-beyond-fun activity, and people can't find the TIME for it?!? Hey, you only go around once, you should find all the time for it you can! And these are people that don't even have the kids yet, if they can't find time for it now, I wonder do they think they will have time for it AFTER their little IVF package is born?

Secondly, it's a sad sad statement about how much Western culture has placed relationships on the back burner, to be sacrificed at the altar of the self. I get the impression that these women (and the men too, I'm sure there's plenty of blame to go around) are so focused on their careers that they can't put any effort in nurturing a relationship (hence not having time to have sex...I just canNOT get over that...). Cripes, if they can't have a healthy, loving relationship with their spouses/partners, should they even be parents? You can't find the time to give your mate some lovin' and you think you will have time for a child? What are they putting in the water over there?

In this scenario, what is even the purpose of getting married or having children? If you are too busy to nurture those relationships, why even have them at all? The only explanation I can think of is that marriage and family have been devalued to the point that they are simply other "things" that a successful person can acquire. The most meaningful relationships a person can have have been reduced to simple status symbols. This is the saddest thing about the whole mess.

"People want everything now. If they can't have a baby now, they want IVF. They think it's no different from putting your name down for a handbag. Some people are horrified by the idea that they have to have sex two to three times a week. About 10 per cent of people I see don't have time to have sex. It's usually when you have two professionals who are based in the city and are very busy.

Yep. Instant gratification. No different from putting your name down for a handbag. If I can't have it the natural way, I can go out and buy it. And if you're horrified about having to have sex two to three times a week, your money would be better spent on therapy. Seriously.

And, of course, the money quote:

"Mothers might be working or their children sleep in their bed. I told one of my patients who is going through IVF that another IVF patient had just conceived naturally. She said: 'What? She's having sex? Bloody Luddite'."

Geez, you mean I've been a Luddite these last three nights? And here I thought I was having a good time...

"Many people in their late 30s or early 40s without children are completely absorbed in their professional lives and have less opportunities to conceive. Many couples I see have one of them working abroad and the most they see each other is at weekends."

Again, if you are so self absorbed that you cannot find the time to attempt to try and conceive, you should seriously reconsider having a family. That child is not going to schedule loving you, or needing to be loved, like you can schedule your meetings or business trips. Having a family is a wonderful, exhilarating experience, and one that is worthy of sacrifice. You know, that thing where you put someone else's needs ahead of your own? And yeah, I know it's not all selfishness, but it is symptomatic of a larger problem -- we think we have to have it all. Now. The big house, the fancy cars, the expensive vacations, and what does it get you? Do you know anyone who has "I wish I could have gotten that Jag" written on their tombstone? Do you think any of these people will be lying on their deathbeds wishing they could have closed one last deal? In trying to have the best of everything, people are missing out on the best that life has to offer, the love and the joy that a family can bring, if you take the time and the effort to cultivate and nurture the relationship. That is worth more than any career will ever yield.